Why am I so kind? Why am I so giving? Why am I so caring, so loving? Why? Why am I this way?
It’s not that i’m afraid that I won’t ever fall in love with anyone again. I know I will. Its that I haven’t stopped. I wasn’t done loving. I am undone and I have no resolution and I don’t know what to make of it
I never really believed that a good person and a bad person cannot be together. I think that if they make each other better, then its all good. Like that shouldn’t factor into why both of them love each other. Anybody can fit together. I strongly believe that. But only if they both try
To be honest, I’m really appreciative of my first relationship with my first girlfriend. I learned a lot from being with her. I learned what was right and what was wrong in the parameters of a relationship. I learned to trust more and more instead of being insecure and jealous all the time, as I was in the beginning of it. I learned to be patient and I learned to listen. I learned to love and how to take care of her, even if it was hard and confusing at first because I didn’t know what to do. I learned what it means to give your all to someone, even though sometimes you aren’t able to. I learned to fight through the hard times. I also learned that sometimes it gets too difficult to handle and that we sometimes must resolve things for ourselves before resolving things for other people. I am really appreciative and thankful that she was the first one. Hopefully we can try again in the future and if there’s a chance, I’ll take it. It was just the wrong time. But thank you. Thank you so much for loving me when I loved you. You know who you are. Thank you. You’re forever entrenched in my mind and heart.
I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss kissing you and holding you and looking into your amber eyes and hearing your mouth say my name and kissing your neck and holding hands with you. I miss feeling your face and caressing my nose with yours. I miss making you laugh and smile. I miss seeing you happy. I miss hugging you. I miss everything about you. I miss calling you baby and I miss you calling me baby. I miss feeling your breath on my neck. I miss the anticipation we would get when we would see each other. I miss everything. I want it all back. I want it all again.
I miss you
the thing is that if i ever had to chose anyone, it would always be you. always. through everything
its so fucking hard to see someone you love/care about go through something so painful. sometimes you rarely know what to do. you feel so lost and all you do is want to help but sometimes you do the opposite because you dont understand whats going on with that other person. its so hard. so fucking hard. i feel so helpless yet i will keep trying and i always will because i care about people. i care about you, most of all. i know you have some mood swings and that even you dont understand how youre feeling sometimes and that you dont know how you will be but i know you will be okay. you might feel out of control but you can be back in control of yourself. i know that you will recover because you’ve always been strong. always. you will recover. you are amazing and a fucking survivor and you’ve always been strong. cant anyone tell you otherwise.
i still love you. i feel it. i’ve been trying to convince myself that i am over you and that theres no point in feeling that way if you don’t feel that way too but i do still love you the same. i always will.